Love's Regrets
by firewolfsg
Summary: That single encounter in China brought back all the memories of a love experienced and once cherished. However, it also brought a reminder of pain and loss. Over ten years ago, Chris Redfield had a taste of love with Leon S. Kennedy. Unfortunately, hasty decisions of the past and Wesker reaching beyond the grave apparently denied him his happiness in the most unexpected way.
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: Resident Evil is owned by Capcom Co. Ltd. All these characters and materials are used without permission, and I'm not profiting from this piece of fan fiction.

Additional Warnings: Slash sex; monster sex; rape; non-con; sexual torture; unconscious partner sex; rape aftermath.

Pairings: Chris Redfield /Leon S. Kennedy; Albert Wesker/ Leon S. Kennedy; Others/ Leon S. Kennedy; Ada Wong/ Leon S. Kennedy; Jake Muller/ Leon S. Kennedy;

* * *

**Love's Regrets - **Part 1

By firewolf  
December 2012

"Chris, just call him." Jill glared at him exasperation. "Come on! Wesker's gone for real. There's nothing holding you back now.

"So, call him!"

"He won't welcome me to after all this time between us..."

"How do you know that?" Jill turned his swivel chair around so that she could force him to face her. "Jesus, Redfield. You *still* have feelings for the man. I got it from Nivans that that single encounter and exchange of words with Leon S. Kennedy snapped you back to your senses. You didn't remember any of us, but you remembered *him*.

"Chris, even I couldn't get through to you. And you never forgot or gave up on me when I disappeared for over two years because of Wesker. Nevertheless, this time, you didn't recognise me when I cornered you, and only one Leon Kennedy finally got through to you.

"Call. Him."

That actually was very good advice from someone he regarded as one of his dearest friends in the world. He had no argument to counter that observation.

When the person he'd fought in that China warehouse had turned out to be Leon, it had sent a shock straight through him down to his boots. And later when he'd heard that Leon was in the city where the virus laden rocket was heading, the fear in his guts had turned glacial.

The relief he'd felt when he heard Leon tell him that he was still all right after the rocket struck the city had been palpable. However, when he'd had to tell Leon that the woman they'd both thought was Ada Wong was dead...

"He loves her now..." Chris told Jill quietly, remembering the pregnant pause and Leon's very soft 'copy' in response to his news.

"Who? If you're talking about Ada Wong, they've had this complicated relationship since Raccoon City. But it never interfered with what you had before." Jill threw her hands in the air with her frustration. "You *should have* got back together when you first thought Wesker died with me. I'd expected you to, dammit!

"There was another good time when you freed me and you and Sheva killed Wesker for real this time with *rocket launchers.* Yet you still didn't call him. I thought you fell out of love with Leon, but that's a *lie*. You *still* love him, Chris.

"Now, you've met again in China. The whole mess has been behind us for two months. *Call* *him*. Or hell, *go* to see him.

"Claire did say he and Sherry came back to China to make sure that the Neo Umbrella base she'd been held at was dismantled. He can't be too far away from where we're set up?"

"I pointed a gun at him, Jill."

"And he pointed one back at you over an imposter of Ada Wong." She cuffed him over the head. "I'm sure he'll forgive you."

"Rape isn't something one forgives and forgets..."

"And we're back to this argument again...

"Chris, it *wasn't* you who raped him." Jill stared him straight in the eyes. "You couldn't have done anything to help him back then. *No one* has ever blamed you for what happened to him, except you. There's no denying you were one hell of dickhead to Leon after what happened, but you didn't arrange for his abuse.

"And the one responsible? Wesker's dead, Chris. And this time, there's no coming back from this one. We personally put him in the throat of a volcano and blew him apart."

That may have been true, but Chris never got over the harm he did. The memories still lingered...

* * *

Over ten years ago, they were young and in love.

Claire found the opportunity to introduce Chris to her BFF shortly after Leon had returned from South America and his superiors put him on medical leave to recover from various minor injuries. Leon was to be taking the time to rest and write his detailed report on Operation Javier while staying with Claire in DC. Chris just happened to be in as well, setting up the North American brunch of the Global Pharmaceutical Consortium funded and soon to be UN recognised BSAA office.

"So, I finally get to meet the practically infamous Leon Scott Kennedy?" Chris stood in the doorway and watched in amusement as Claire bustled about doing last minute spot cleaning and straightening of their home.

"Don't lie and say you're not equally excited." She rounded on him brandishing her feather duster. "Oh my god. We've managed to keep in touch with letters and email, but I haven't seen him since Raccoon City! I wonder if he's changed much?"

Chris couldn't deny that his sister had called it right. He had been very interested in this young government spook who'd given so much behind the scenes support to his then fledgling anti-umbrella efforts. To finally meet him in person...

"Is there *also* something you'd like to tell me about him, sis?" Chris asked teasingly. "Like- Am I expected to be interrogating him about his intentions?"

"What?" She stared at him dumbfounded for a moment until understanding dawned on her. "Oh, no. Not Leon. I have the wrong body parts to in anyway excite him. Well most of the time anyway. And eeewwww. It'd be like me coming on to you."

Chris couldn't help lifting an eyebrow at that revelation. "You've been exchanging correspondence for- what? Nearly- about four years and there's not been a smidgen of interest?"

"BFF only, big bro." Claire frowned at him. "What? You think just because we're different genders we can't just be best friends? What about you and Jill?"

"Hey, I can't say we didn't try. But it felt too strange and we were a lot happier and comfortable just as friends and field partners."

"Then you should understand why me and Leon wouldn't work either." Claire pointed out. "We talked it out in chat. And ended up laughing so hard at the ridiculous turn the conversation took we knew the whole idea should just be shelved way out of reach and never dusted off and taken out again on pain of dying of laughter."

"Okay, okay, I was just asking." Chris held his hands up between them as if to ward off any further arguments. "By the way, how did you manage to spring him? I thought the government was pretty possessive about keeping him under wraps."

"Our hero came back from his last mission with cracked ribs and internal bleeding he didn't realise he had until he landed back at base camp and collapsed. He's okay now but Leon hates hospitals and they don't want him staying alone during the recovery period.

"Usually, his handler would take him home with him or arrange to have him stationed with another reliable family since they don't trust him not to go stir crazy and sneak into training prematurely. Unfortunately, there's been a sudden spate of hand, foot and mouth disease at a couple of child care centres in DC and the usual families all have young kids. The disease isn't wide spread right now, but Adam would rather not play Russian roulette with placing Leon when he's already vulnerable to infection.

"Adam?"

"He was Leon's recruiter and is his current handler. He's a real sweetheart." Claire smiled at a memory. "I've met him three times since l found out about him. He's a great guy. Probably takes care of Leon as good as any dad."

"So Leon's supposed to be resting while he's staying with us?"

"Pretty much." She pointed to the stack of five sheets stuck to their refrigerator. "Adam even sent a list of what he's not allowed to do. The only work Leon's allowed for the next eight weeks is to write his detailed report on the mission."

"Eight weeks? I'd be climbing the walls after two!" Chris was just too curious to not look at the purported list.

"Oh, I'm sure it'll be just as bad for him."

"Martial arts of any sort; runs of more than half a mile; shooting any type of firearm?" Chris grinned. "He sounds like trouble."

Claire faced him with a solemn expression. "Just be nice to him, please? He lost his partner at the end of the mission."

"Shit, the guy didn't make it?"

"His arm was crippled, so he was given a medical discharge. Leon's all choked up. He'd been looking forward to finding a permanent field partner, and he really liked Krauser."

Chris raised one eyebrow at her, which prompted her to throw her dust cloth at him. "Oh, stop it! I wasn't thinking that at all!"

"I've seen the shelf of doujinshi in your room, little sis." Chris waggled his eyebrows at her. "And I know you don't read or write Japanese."

"Okay! Busted! I asked and Leon sent me a picture of Krauser. He is a pretty buff military type and probably nearly a whole head taller than Leon." Claire huffed at him. "Leave me to my perverted dreams, why don't cha?"

The sound of a car pulling up in their driveway saved Chris the trouble of thinking up a response. Claire's head snapped over to the windows and back again at Chris.

"Don't give him a hard time, okay? He's not a boyfriend you need to intimidate and scare."

Chris raised his hands and spread them wide in front of him without comment. She frowned at him but said nothing else before heading to the door.

By the time they emerged from the house, the black SUV, which delivered their houseguest, was already pulling out of the driveway while the man waved it off. When he heard them approaching from behind, he immediately turned to face them and Chris finally got to meet in the flesh the man who owned the email address which originated the so useful emails.

The first thing Chris noticed about Leon was his warm smile as he caught sight of Claire rushing over to greet him. It made him swallow hard to realise he really wanted a smile like that directed at him too.

"Come meet my brother." Claire's voice intruded on his thoughts at that moment, making Chris realise he'd completely blanked out on all that had happened around him while staring at Leon.

"Hi, wanted to say thanks for letting me intrude and bunk in with you for a while." Leon extended a hand for him to shake which Chris did recover enough wits to grip and hold firmly.

"Oh, no. Really. The pleasure's all *mine*." Chris looked straight into his blue grey eyes.

Describing their first meeting of eyes as 'sparks flew' would have been a gross understatement of the fireworks and inferno of attraction and lust that flashed between them. Much to Chris's delight, though rather obviously to Leon's embarrassment, the younger man blushed. They understood each other perfectly.

"Shouldn't that have been 'the pleasure's all *ours*', bro..." Claire's words trailed off as she looked from one man to the other.

It took the space of a breath before Leon tore his hand from Chris's grip to cover her mouth, immediately muffling her squeals of delight and excitement before they found voice. "Not out here, Claire.

"And look, whatever scenario you're imagining from picture reading your yaoi DJs, *we* only *just* met."

Leon was blushing quite adorably harder now and Chris couldn't help but laugh as he gestured towards the house while he reached for and grabbed up Leon's duffle bag and lap top case. "Come on, Claire. As the man said, let's move this inside."

After releasing an obviously trying hard not to continue squealing Claire, Leon attempted to retrieve his bags from Chris, but Chris wasn't having it. "Forget it, Kennedy. You're still on the injured list and these weigh a ton.

"The government security gear weighs this much?"

"You can call me 'Leon'." The younger man bit his lower lip as his earlier fading blush reddened again. "There's more, but I.T. will come in later to set up the rest of the gear. The government can be pretty paranoid, you know?"

Chris laughed, "It's 'Chris.' And don't I know it; if Claire didn't already identify you to me, I wouldn't have the name of the government spook who we've been receiving so much covert assistance from."

Leon shrugged then winced as he obviously pulled at something painful, making Chris frown. "If you don't mind my saying, your injuries seem a lot worse than Claire made it sound."

Claire stared at Leon rather fiercely at that pronouncement. "Leon-?"

Leon squirmed under their scrutiny as the Redfield siblings quickly ushered him up the stairs to their guest bedroom. "I may have- neglected to mention that- one of my broken ribs was poking at a lung, hence the internal bleeding..."

"Broken? You only said you cracked a few ribs." Claire growled at him.

"Well, that too. I- sort of didn't notice the pain until the adrenalin wore off..." He looked up at her guiltily as he carefully sat himself on the bed.

"Should you even be out of the hospital so soon?" Claire immediately laid the back of her hand over his forehead. "You only just got back three days ago. And you're still a bit warm, Leon."

Leon swatted her hand away. "Hey, the minor surgery went all right and Doc Harvey would have left me knocked out and strapped to the bed if he wasn't satisfied that it was safe to let me leave."

"He knows you hate hospitals. Even unconscious it would have stressed you out more if he made you stay."

"You know me too well."

At Chris's inclined head of expressed curiosity, Leon shyly elaborated. "Doctors in white coats make me nervous. I didn't realise I had this phobia until that time I woke up in the hospital not long after getting out of Raccoon city.

"The secret service guys assigned to me were lucky I was still recovering from shoulder surgery to remove a bullet because I- sorta freaked out when I woke up with Doc Harvey bending over me with a posed needle..."

Claire snorted. "Yeah, Ol' Doc told me you made a very enlightening first impression on the SS guards who had delivered your unconscious ass to his care."

She looked over to Chris. "They were lucky that he was already disarmed and his weapons were nowhere near him. Leon here knocked the needle out of Harvey's hand with his uninjured hand and kicked him into the two SS guys who'd stepped forward to help the good doctor.

"By the time they untangled themselves, Leon was out the room and running armed with the scalpels and scissors he'd taken from Doc Harvey's equipment table."

"It's not like I got very far." Leon was blushing rather adorably again from embarrassment. "Adam and his squad happened to be next door debriefing when they heard the commotion. I ran right into his arms and was too weak from fever and exhaustion to struggle free.

"Was fortunate I wasn't so out of it that I didn't recognize him. He calmed me down again and brought me back to properly meet Doc Harvey. We established the protocol after that that doctors needed to be in plain clothes when introduced to me for the first time and that they needed to tell me what they were going to do before taking out knives or needles around me."

Chris shook his head in amusement. "Never a dull moment around you, eh? Leon?"

The younger man let out a long exasperated sigh. "Yeah and it all started with my first and last day as a police officer in Raccoon City."

Chris couldn't help himself, he reached over to ruffle Leon's hair, and received a playful swat for his presumption before he could draw away. Claire quickly snagged Chris's arm and dragged him towards the door before he could think to do anything else.

"You go ahead and settle in and rest a while, Leon. We'll send your I.T. guys up when they arrive." Claire pushed Chris towards the stairs without giving him a chance to protest.

"Claire?" Chris stumbled into the living room with her guiding pushes.

"Let's be serious, big bro."

Chris lifted an eyebrow at her. "Are you about to deliver a 'what are your intentions speech' to me?"

"And if I am?" Claire challenged him. Then she sighed before pulling him to sit on the sofa with her. "Look, I'm a bit more protective about Leon than I am of you because no matter what, you're my brother; we'll always have each other. Leon has no family. His grandfather raised him after his parents were killed in an accident, and he died just before Leon entered the police academy.

"He had lousy luck with friends too, apparently, cause the reason I chanced on meeting him in Raccoon City was because he was late from being hung over after a night of drowning his sorrows when his girlfriend broke up with him; all because he'd accepted the posting to Raccoon City rather than taking up the one in New York. Leon told me he picked Raccoon City because he was interested in the Spencer case and was hoping to work on it. The bitch kept their group of shallow friends too, so he was looking forward to getting to Raccoon City as a fresh start...

"Remember the little girl we rescued? Sherry... She had to go into government custody because she was infected with the G-virus. But Leon bargained for her to be allowed as normal a childhood as possible if he took up the government appointment. Unfortunately, her new guardian's a homophobic ass hole, so he won't let Leon have any contact with her. The good thing is, she understands and I do my best to slip letters between them during my weekly visits.

"His handler, Adam, has been nice. And from what I can see, he really does his best to do right by Leon. But he's still Leon's boss.

"I'm about all he has for any sort of no strings attached 'family', Chris..." Claire told him solemnly. "So if you're just thinking this is a 'summer romance' sort of situation? Back. Off. Leon's messed up enough by his recent loss of his assigned partner and he really can't handle casual right now."

Chris looked away from her for a moment and closed his eyes to think about what he wanted to do. "Sis- l really don't think-don't want this- thing between Leon and me to be casual."

He turned to face her. "I'm actually- l have butterflies in my stomach just thinking about him, Claire. I've- I've never felt like this about anyone else at all... And it's both frightening but- exciting? l don't know if that's exactly the right word..."

Claire smiled at him encouragingly. "Good answer. Just take it slow, all right? He is still recovering from injuries."

"Promise to, Claire."

* * *

Taking it slow was actually quite easy. As Chris unfortunately prophesised, there was never a dull moment. Leon developed an escalating fever later that evening and they'd had to call Doctor Harvey to make a house call. He would have hospitalised Leon, except the man protested so vehemently in his fevered delirium Chris and Claire volunteered to offer the care the doctor demanded he needed.

This had necessitated them taking turns staying up with Leon and sponging him off with cool cloths to help keep his fever down. Fortunately, the fever broke in the early hours of the morning.

With the crisis over, Chris had sent Claire to bed saying he'd sleep in the chair beside Leon's bed. Maybe that was his honourable intention. However, the next morning found Chris waking up to his sister hissing in outraged anger at him.

"Chris! How could you?"

"Wha-" Chris blinked up at her blurrily. It took him a short while longer to register his position.

He kept presence of mind not to freeze and inadvertently awaken the man lying comfortably in the encirclement of his arms and tucked under his chin. Taking in his look of utter astonishment, Claire relented to soften her accusatory expression.

"Do you even recall how you ended up lying in bed with him?" She mouthed more than whispered, but he understood her plain enough.

Chris closed his eyes and thought hard to try and recall the events of the previous night. In the end, he had to shake his head. Claire rolled her eyes at him and carefully reached over to lay the back of her hand on Leon's forehead. He stirred slightly but didn't wake; his continued unconsciousness clearly attesting to how poorly he must still be feeling.

"He's still a little warm." Claire mouthed to Chris with a worried frown.

Chris carefully eased himself out from under Leon and arranged his limp body comfortably hugging a pillow in his place while Claire got a towel and a bowl of water from the bathroom. The gentle brush of a cool towel over his face, neck and chest drew Leon to sigh contentedly in relief again.

The burning want to cherish and protect this vulnerable man thundered through Chris's senses. His sister's warning hand on his shoulder stopped Chris from trying to move closer where Leon's slack lips seemed to beckon him to try a tiny taste.

Taking the cloth from Chris's hand, she gestured to the door with her chin with a mouthed 'breakfast'. It figured that she wasn't going to trust him to be alone with Leon after what she'd just seen.

Chris walked almost regretfully down the stairs. The lingering warmth of having Leon in his arms almost tingled in their longing to have him there again. Chris knew he was in trouble for falling in love so hard and so quickly with the government man.

**~TBC~**

* * *

Thanks for reading.

firewolf


	2. Chapter 2

DISCLAIMER: Resident Evil is owned by Capcom Co. Ltd. All these characters and materials are used without permission, and I'm not profiting from this piece of fan fiction.

* * *

**Love's Regrets - **Part 2

By firewolf  
December 2012

Fortunately, the fever went down and stayed down thereafter and the rest of Leon's recovery proceeded smoothly. As did Chris's courtship.

Contrary to Claire's assertions that Leon could be quite oblivious, Leon caught a clue within a week of observing that it was Chris who was spending more time taking care of him than his BFF. Chris realised this rather quickly that same day given Leon's sudden shy demeanour when he'd accompanied him down the stairs for lunch.

Taking the chance, the BSAA man slipped a hand into the crook of Leon's arm making him almost miss a step. However, Chris also quickly moved closer to securely brace him and help him catch his balance again without it being too obvious. It garnered him a slight blush and murmured thanks and Chris counted it as a 'win' that Leon hadn't tried to pull away or push him off.

Claire caught the subtle change between them, of course. But other than giving Leon a tiny head cock and receiving from him his shy nod, then directing at her brother a steely look of warning, she didn't interfere. Rather, she gave them more opportunities to be alone together. From the way they caught her from time to time 'secretly' spying on them while wearing a sappy grin, they knew she was quite thrilled about their growing relationship.

Chris knew too that Leon's boss caught wind of the news about how quickly their relationship was turning serious when he found himself called to an office in the White House to be confronted by Leon's superior and handler. If he was surprised by the 'what are your intentions' questioning by Adam Benford, Chris tried not to show it but put forth his best front to convince the man he would do right by Leon.

As nerve wracking as it was to speak to the authoritative man who clearly thought himself Leon's surrogate father, Chris didn't think he'd fared too badly. He could not, however, keep this knowledge from Leon. The man practically ambushed him in the living room upon his return.

"Did Adam scare you too badly?" Leon had asked almost too casually from where he was seated on the single seat sofa with his laptop on a lap table bracketing his legs.

Chris looked over at him suspiciously. "How did you hear that? I only just got back from talking to him." He decided to go with honesty. "Think I convinced him I'm serious about this."

"I'm- not exactly- free to choose to leave government service, Chris..." Leon said quietly without looking up, letting his long fringe hide his face.

Chris took in a deep breath, he remembered Claire mentioning the deal Leon made to make sure Sherry wouldn't be treated like a lab specimen, with Claire being allowed access to her despite the lack of government clearance. It seemed grossly unfair to him. Though honestly, he didn't believe that Benford would ever try to hold the deal over Leon. Whatever the case, Leon was still obliged to honour his part of it.

Seeing how Leon wasn't typing on the keys of the laptop, Chris moved forward to take it and the lap table off him and set them aside; then made use of his superior strength to pick Leon up and deposit him on his lap again as he took his place on the sofa. "I'm not giving up the BSAA either, but I'm here to stay and we can work out something with our jobs."

"It's-" Leon chewed on his lower lip. "It's not just a job for me... I-I'm chipped, Chris..."

"What?" Chris thought he heard that wrong.

"I'm micro chipped so that the government can easily find and track me, unless I go too far below ground or there's interference by a strong electromagnetic field." Leon elaborated softly, still hiding behind his fringe. "It's supposed to be a precaution since I have immunity against the T-virus. The government is afraid I'd get snatched and someone might use my blood to improve the T..."

This sounded inhuman to Chris. Micro chipping was for pets or wild animals that naturalists were studying in their native environment. It made his blood boil, Leon was not a-a pet or an animal.

He brushed Leon's fringe aside so that they could look each other in the eyes. "If you think knowing that is going to drive me away, you don't know me well enough. Whatever their reason, I think it's wrong of the government to do that to you, but if you can accept and live with it, so can I."

Leon gave him a shy pleased smile and looped his arms around Chris's neck as he kissed him. Chris moaned as he felt Leon's firm ass shifting upon him and he quickly deepened the kiss, making the slighter man moan just as eagerly with want and need.

"Guys! Get a room!" Claire's outraged though still pleased sounding shout roused them from their tunnel vision upon only each other to realise there were more people in the living room with them.

"Claire!" Chris groaned in frustration. "I thought you'd be out the whole afternoon with-"

"Sherry!" Leon's delighted cry accompanied by his immediately vacating Chris's lap brought Chris's attention to the young blushing teenager with sparkling eyes staring at the two of them.

Leon lifted her in his hands and swung her around with her delighted squeal. "You've grown so much since the last time they let me see you. How did you get out?

"Claire, you didn't spring her without-"

"Relax, worry wart. Simmons is on leave for a month. Adam arranged to let Sherry have a vacation too. Though we only have her for a week."

"Sherry?"

Her arms were flung tight around Leon's neck as he adjusted his grip to carry her upon his hip. "I've missed you so much. This week will just be perfect. But who's that? "

Chris grinned as he came up behind Leon. "Hi, I'm Chris, Claire's brother and Leon's boyfriend. Hope you don't mind sharing?"

"Not the same kind of sharing, right? Eeeewww."

"Hey! You're way too young for me but I did all right when I used to date women." Leon blushed as he mock glared at her.

The little pixie frowned at Leon as if to try to imagine him with a woman in his arms. "Nah, I think you look better in a man's arms."

"Claire!" Leon shot her an accusing look as he sat the little girl back on her feet. "Isn't Sherry a bit too young to be picture reading your doujinshi?"

"I only let her flip through the shounen ai ones. And I only started because I was explaining to her why Simmons was being such a prick about you." Claire told him sweetly as she called over Sherry's attention to show her some pictures on her phone, which Chris suspected were of him and Leon. "I never showed her the yaoi."

Sherry caught on pretty quick. "You mean you can get DJs with hot sex too."

Leon winced and blushed bright red. "Sherry, l know Claire told me you're already into some college level classes right now, but talking about sex so freely isn't- age appropriate."

Sherry rolled her eyes at him but she didn't try to argue or challenge him. Claire helpfully changed the subject by pointing Sherry towards the nearest bathroom and suggesting she freshen up while they sorted out rooms.

"So..." She looked a little worriedly at Leon. "This wasn't actually planned. Adam called me, as l was driving up to the government base, to get ready just in case we managed this.

"It- looked like it *was* getting a little hot and heavy there..."

Chris took in Leon's slight apprehension and moved to encircle the younger man in his arms. "Sharing my bed doesn't automatically mean we're going to start to have sex, Leon. And we have shared a bed before, platonically."

"When l was hurt and feverish..."

"You're not exactly out of the woods yet either." Chris reminded him. "Broken ribs usually take six- eight weeks to heal. It's only been four weeks since you were dropped off with us. And you didn't do yourself any favours either lifting Sherry like that."

"It's- okay with you if- if I'm not- ready yet?"

"It's not a race." Chris smiled reassuringly at him. "Besides that, my room shares a wall with yours. Do you want Sherry to hear us?"

Leon cringed. "Point noted. No." Then turning to Claire, Leon gave her his assurance. "I'll be okay sharing a room with Chris."

"Then it's settled. If you can go and move your things over. Sherry can have your room in the evening." Claire smiled in relief.

* * *

During the week Sherry spent with them, Chris had wondered if Leon's boss had arranged her liberty to purposely frustrate him in his want for intimacy with Leon just to see how he'd react. Because while Leon allowed him the chaste stolen kiss or two, he did try to keep them 'decent' around Sherry.

As a result, there was a time or two where Chris thought he was going to die of blue balls. An innocent afternoon of having ice cream pops at the park with Leon and the girls, became a study of self-control as Chris had to endure watching Leon licking and occasionally sucking on the long creamy treat while steadfastly preventing himself from thinking perverted thoughts. And he was never ever going to look at a theme park golf course the same way again after a whole day of watching Leon bend over to help Sherry position her ball and adjust the swing of her club.

Knowing too that Sherry was in the room beside them also reminded Chris not to take his nightly cuddling and kissing with Leon too far. Leon would tend to stop them first if it got too heated. However, Chris often wondered if it was more because he wasn't ready yet for intimacy or if it was because Sherry was next door.

Still, Chris had to admit liking to have Sherry around too as she brought out a side of Leon he hadn't seen before; the *openly smiling* older brother figure to a precocious girl. For the privilege of witnessing these smiles, Chris quite gladly endured the sexual frustration.

Chris was genuinely sorry to see her leave at the end of the week. Leon looked quite forlorn and lost as he waved at Sherry while Claire drove them back to the Government base. Chris couldn't help but wrap his arms around Leon from behind to pull him against his chest.

"Cheer up, Leon. Adam's set a precedent with this, so maybe it'll mean Claire can spring her out more often."

"If Simmons doesn't over react and clamp down on her liberties even more..." Leon wiggled out of his hold to trudge back into the house.

Seeing him head up to the rooms, Chris knew what he was intending to do immediately. Hurrying after him, Chris entered his room and quickly blocked off his door with his body.

"You don't have to move out, Leon. I-I'd like you to stay."

Chris could practically hear Leon swallowing hard as he turned to face him. "Chris?"

Striding into the room, Chris took Leon's hands in his though he let the smaller man hide his face behind his fringe. "If you're still uncomfortable, it's all right. We can use separate beds again. But- I'd really like it if you reconsider and stay."

"I'd- I'd- like that." Leon finally turned his face up towards Chris and the shy invitation in his eyes drew him forward to gently capture Leon's lips with his own.

Part of Chris insisted that this was too soon for Leon, and that he was still not fully healed yet. Certainly when Chris eased off Leon's shirt, bandages wound around his chest and ribs confronted him. However, there was another part, which insisted just as strongly that he could be gentle and wouldn't hurt Leon at all.

It was the second voice, which was louder to Chris's senses especially when he was drawing intoxicating noises of pleasure from Leon's lips as he lavished, kisses and licks along his neck and down his chest to the top of his bandages. Chris mouthed and sucked upon one of Leon's nipples through the cloth of the bandage while he gently laid the man upon their bed. The sensation he was causing was quite clearly meeting with Leon's approval since the man had fingers tangled in his hair, which clutched at Chris's head as if they could pull him closer. This was well and good a great distraction for Chris to carefully ease Leon's pants and boxers down his long legs along with his shoes and socks.

For a moment, Chris halted his torment of Leon's senses with clever mouth and hands so that he could look upon the flushed and panting nude figure on his bed. He was pleased to see the clear arousal standing decisively erect and proud amidst blonde curls.

"Bend your knees, Leon." Chris reached into his bedside drawer to take out a condom and a tube of lube. "Let me prepare you."

From Leon's slight frown to see Chris settle between his legs, Chris guessed that the younger man didn't have very much experience with sex since he clearly didn't understand what Chris was about to do. By no means did he give the impression that he was a virgin or a complete novice. However, it seemed no one had yet initiated Leon into the gentler aspects of lover making. It made Chris wonder a bit about Krauser... if Leon may have shared a night or two of rough passion as stress relief during hot nights in South America while they were surrounded by danger; if the man may have just fucked Leon against a wall or on his knees.

"Chris? Wha-?" Chris didn't let Leon complete the question before he delicately swirled his tongue around the head of Leon's cock.

Leon's eyes practically rolled into itself as he moaned and arched his body with the sensation. Chris gently licked him again before letting his lips close over the head of Leon's cock. Leon moaned so wantonly, Chris thought it good enough to make him want to come too. But he didn't let himself get distracted. He carefully pressed first one, then a second lubricated finger into Leon, making the man groan louder.

It didn't take long for Chris to have Leon bucking his hips against his fingers while groaning madly for the sensation of Chris's mouth upon him. Before they proceeded to the next part though, Chris withdrew to lift Leon off the bed and place him on his knees before he lay down himself. As much as he had wanted to just lift Leon's legs over his shoulders and just plough into him, Chris knew that might hurt Leon's not yet fully healed ribs.

"Straddle me and take your time." Chris offered as he lent his hands to Leon to help steady him.

Understanding his reasons, Leon moved to straddle Chris's legs and face his daunting condom covered cock standing proudly over him. Carefully, with Chris's hands helping to balance him, Leon eased himself upon the offered perch.

The slow inexorable pace was driving Chris mad, his hands on Leon's waist trembled with the desperate need to clutch and pull to shove his cock into the heavenly restrictive warm. But he held firm, Leon's face was already strained with his discomfort of the stretching pain, he wasn't ready yet...

Then Leon twisted slightly as he moved down and at last, a breathless gasp escaped his lips. He twisted his hips again and sank down at a faster pace, making Chris moan with the agony of holding back from coming prematurely. It felt like an eternity had passed before he felt Leon's buttocks finally resting on his hips.

lt was a new experience for Chris, to have a lover seated above him on his sex, though it was no less a glorious and mind blowing experience. Straddled upon his hips, Leon looked nothing short of amazing. And Leon was so tight and perfect around his cock, Chris felt that what he was feeling was indescribable. It wasn't anything he'd ever want to lose or give up.

They came to the decision to move at the exact same moment, with Leon adding a slight twist of his hips as he lifted and dropped himself upon Chris's cock, and Chris bucking his hips up to meet him. They couldn't last very long. Leon was too soon groaning and splattering his seed over Chris's chest and feeling the stuttering ripple of muscles upon him made Chris balloon out the condom buried deep up his lover's channel.

Leon held just barely enough control not to collapse on top of him, but Chris tugged him down and into his arms, not caring that they were smearing Leon's release between them; though he knew they'd need to change Leon's bandages now, because semen dried on bandages? Really eeewww.

In addition, they were expecting Doc Harvey to pay Leon a visit the next day. Thinking of how Leon's boss had reacted to news of their relationship, Chris knew he could expect the protective old doctor to pull him aside for as uncomfortable a 'what are your intentions' interrogation speech as well as a round of 'if you hurt him' threats, given he'd see the additional bruising, evidencing their already having had sex.

Still having Leon snuggled in his arms in the afterglow of mind-blowing sex was great 'consolation' for the discomfort he was about to face. Chris honestly thought there wasn't anything anyone could say to him which would make him give up this relationship with Leon S. Kennedy.

However, Chris wasn't to know that someone was going to appear soon enough who would make him eat those words; someone who held no qualms about destroying this contentment and precipitating a separation that would prove permanent...

* * *

Perfect. Life was just so utterly perfect...

Contrary to Claire's smirking assertions, they didn't have sex every night. Some nights, Leon's ribs would still give him problems and he'd be in pain necessitating a dose of painkillers and Chris's careful cuddle and comfort. When they did have sex though, Chris had no other word to describe their mutual expression of love except 'perfect'.

As the days turned into weeks and Leon healed enough to begin feeling a bit stir crazy with the desire to train and get back into shape, Chris could also feel his own anxiety grow with his worry about Leon returning to active duty. Chris didn't like the idea of Leon usually being a solo agent. However, this was an inevitable status because the government didn't have any one with similar experience to match him up with.

So far in his young career, nearly all of Leon's assigned partners came out dead or badly injured. The last one was even crippled. Chris had heard that Leon was satellite tracked almost all the time so he never got into trouble for the occasional lost partner since there was ample evidence to show the deaths were often due to inattention or accident on the partner's part. However, that left Leon operating solo a lot since he'd not get many volunteers to partner him. Also while he was always on good relations with past partners, Leon was reluctant to put them in danger again when chance allowed them to escape with their lives the last time they were paired.

Barry Barton was one of the few who did well working with Leon. But Barry joined the BSAA for an admin role so that he could spend more time with his family. He'd told Chris of having once been sent on board a discovered to be infected cruise ship to locate and rescue Leon after he'd gone missing too long. It turned out that Leon had picked up an infection there, which knocked him out for a long while, but he checked out to be all right, and even gained immunity to the T-virus from that adventure.

It had come to Chris the morning after they'd carefully tried sex with Leon under him and lying back with legs hooked around his waist instead of sitting on his hips. The experience was the most mind melting they'd had to date and it had taken a huge effort for Chris to remember not to drop his trembling and exhausted body on top of Leon when they were done. He'd dropped to the side instead after carefully pulling out and tugged Leon over him, easily taking the familiar positions they'd got used to sleeping in when sharing a bed. It had been glorious waking up with his lover warm and protected within the encirclement of his arms. He didn't want to give this up for even a single day.

"Ask the government if you can be seconded to the BSAA." Chris suggested to Leon at breakfast with his sister watching them.

"Seconded?"

"It'll be like joining us, but as a US government representative. All our agents will have bio hazards training. You won't be by yourself."

"I-I'll need to check with Adam." It was a long shot, but Chris thought Leon looked hopeful.

It was hard to concentrate at the BSAA office that day, Chris had had his mind filled with the idea of working with Leon by his side as his partner on the field and in life. He hoped it would prove possible for Leon to sort out his current obligations to the government with his handler.

Receiving a call from Adam Benford later that afternoon, Chris thought Leon's boss had wanted to talk about the offer he made to Leon. He was totally unprepared to have the man's words send him scurrying home to find his devastated sister sitting in an ambulance and talking to several government men.

Leon... Leon was gone; taken from the Redfield home after a hard struggle that practically destroyed their living room and part of the kitchen. A struggle, which left his sister with a broken leg and unable to interfere as their intruder picked up their unconscious houseguest and departed before the local police could be mobilised.

Wesker... the only reason Chris could fathom why the man had left Claire alive was that he wanted them to know who had taken Leon. If he had acted an hour earlier or later, he could have retrieved Leon when he was alone and no one would have been the wiser about Leon's abductors. Instead he had deliberately waited for Claire to come in as she regularly did during her lunch hour, then left her alive to bear witness to his taking Leon from their home.

**~TBC~**

* * *

Thanks for reading.

firewolf


	3. Chapter 3

DISCLAIMER: Resident Evil is owned by Capcom Co. Ltd. All these characters and materials are used without permission, and I'm not profiting from this piece of fan fiction.

* * *

**Love's Regrets**

Part 3  
By firewolf  
December 2012

The five days of silence that followed nearly drove Chris mad. Chris wasn't ashamed to admit that he had become like a man possessed in chasing down every lead he ran across to recover the love he'd just discovered. Moreover, for all that Leon was supposed to have a tracking chip implant, the government couldn't find him either. This meant either he was hidden away in a deep underground facility or Wesker was surrounding him with an electromagnetic field strong enough to disrupt the tracker.

The silence... the not knowing what Wesker was doing to Leon or even why he'd taken him was wearing down on Chris. And in a twist of cruelty he'd awakened on that sixth day a prisoner of that mad man and securely tied to a chair in an unknown location.

It was the unfamiliar sharp, rhythmic rattle of chains with an accompanying wet smacking sound, which woke him. The last thing he remembered was stumbling to his car after yet another late night in the office chasing fruitless leads.

As he came slowly to his senses, softer noises soon became distinct... and recognisable as distressed mewls and grunts of pain mixed in with wet squishing sounds. His head had shot up then with his eyes wide open, momentarily blinding himself from the light of the room.

When his eyes cleared, Chris found himself looking through an observation window. And the first thing he noticed was the Licker... large and looming over a smaller figure strapped down by chains and leather upon a padded platform.

Leon... nude, his bruised and bleeding wrists chained overhead. Leather straps over his chest and stomach held him tight upon the platform. His legs bent at the knees and hanging from stirrups were pulled to either side of the platform allowing unobstructed access to the monster hovering over him; a monster which viciously sawed a long and richly veined purple cock in and out of Leon's ass while it plunged it's tongue with equal violence into the helpless man's mouth.

"This is an interesting development, wouldn't you say?" A familiar voice made Chris tear his shocked eyes away from the horror taking place in front of him to stare at the statuesque man standing beside his chair.

"Wesker... what the hell?!"

"I've been keeping half an eye on young Kennedy here. His brief brush with infection on the Starlight cruise ship... the most recent mission in South America..." Wesker volunteered with a Cheshire smile. "I observed a subtle reaction from the T-infected minions and wanted to check it out."

Nodding to the clearly distressed and squirming man under the enthusiastically humping monstrosity, Wesker smiled broadly at Chris. "Interesting, isn't it? I would not have thought they were capable nor had any interest in sex or breeding. I'd surmised Kennedy to be producing a very subtle pheromone which has caught their attention."

"You sick fuck!" Chris desperately struggled with the ropes tying him to the steel chair, which he realised was bolted to the floor. Despite his throwing all his weight and strength against the ropes, he couldn't even have the satisfaction of moving the chair. "Get him out of there, Wesker!"

The statuesque blond smiled at him. "Why ever for? I've found this particular beast to be the most entertaining of the ones we've had to play with to date."

With those words, Chris knew that the mad man must have paraded a steam of monsters in to rape his lover while he observed and recorded the ordeal. "I will kill you. I swear, Wesker! You're a walking dead man!"

The BSAA agent froze in the next instance as Wesker drew and pointed a magnum at his forehead. "If I was at all worried about your empty threats I'd pull the trigger."

He removed the gun and gestured towards the observation window. "Just sit back and enjoy...

"As entertaining as this is though, the changes in Kennedy's biochemistry which brought this about clearly isn't any advantage to duplicate or develop."

Even as they watched, the Licker made one last platform shaking thrust, then stilled over the trembling and sobbing man. It removed it's tongue from down it's victim's throat, while it leisurely pumped its hips to help it unload its release, and used it to gently- almost lovingly lick Leon's face and chest as if to try to sooth the softly sobbing man.

Chris would have breathed a sigh of relief for the end of his lover's ordeal if a second Licker hadn't reared up beside the platform to hiss at the one resting on top of Leon. Freed from the creature's tongue, Leon had turned his tear streaked face towards the observation window. His voice was hoarse and pleading, attesting to how broken he already was. "Wesker... stop. I've- I've already- entertained five. We- only did three- or four with- previous specimens.

"Please... you must- have recorded enough. Please...no more. Please..." Leon's words only confirmed Chris's fears of the torture he'd been subjected to during his disappearance.

"Humanoid Zombies paid no attention to him." Wesker volunteered almost casually while they watched the two Lickers hiss at each other over Leon's restrained body. "The zombie dogs were more responsive, as were the various Hunters and Tyrants, even the Nemesis T-type enjoyed Mr Kennedy with no thought of killing him."

"You bastard..."

Leon groaned, bringing Chris's attention back to him as the Licker posed above him drew out with a wet sucking slurp. When the other Licker quickly climbed on the platform to straddle him though, Leon started screaming at the observation window. "Wesker! I'm begging you! Stop thi-"

Leon's abruptly halted words and staring eyes told Chris that Wesker must have somehow changed the observation window from a mirrored surface for Leon to see through glass. There was no mistaking Leon's horrified expression and his mouthed whisper of Chris's name.

An understanding seemed to dawn upon Leon and he just turned away to calmly face the monster hovering above him; his next rapist which had finally positioned itself properly to slowly sink it's cook into his ass as if it was savouring it's long smooth entry into the cum slicked depths of its victim.

Chris started to cry as this Licker began fucking his lover. It was made doubly worse with Leon's silence. He obviously understood Wesker's intentions since he raised no further word of complaint. He knew the display was for Chris's benefit.

Still, for all his bravery, Leon could not control all of his involuntary gasps and mewls of pain and discomfort. His desperate attempts to keep silent made little difference to Chris though since Wesker had raised the volume of the speakers in the observation room to ensure Chris heard every bit of sound produced by the Licker's performance as it raped his lover with both cock and tongue.

That Licker wasn't the last to take its turn upon the beleaguered man. Every time one finished another would quickly appear to chivvy it off so that it could take its place. Leon finally slipped into merciful unconsciousness some four Lickers later. With that though, Wesker also ended the sequential rape to send away the nest of Lickers surrounding the platform.

"What are you doing with him now?" Chris asked immediately as he watched Wesker leave him to enter Leon's room.

"Ensuring he lives..." The man smiled at him quite benignly as he injected Leon with a green fluid before undoing his restraints.

"Wesker... leave him alone. Haven't you done enough?"

"For shame, Chris. I'm only cleaning him up to make him more comfortable."

Chris didn't know what else to say because Wesker seemed to be suiting words to deeds as he removed Leon from the cum inundated padded platform and moved him to a clean gurney where he gently wiped Leon down. He even placed Leon in a standard first aiders taught three-quarters prone recovery position.

As he watched, Wesker pushed the gurney right up to the observation window where Chris would be able to better see the many bruises, cuts and chafe marks of manacles and leather straps that had been used to bind and restrain the man. In addition, of course were many inhuman size and shaped bruises of the monsters, which had probably clutched and held Leon as they raped him. If the earlier ordeal hadn't already done so, this view of his lover broke his heart even further to see just how badly Leon had been abused.

"I really do commend you in your discovery, Chris." Wesker spoke to him through the barrier of the observation window as he began to stroke his black gloved hand over Leon's unconscious body.

A sudden understanding of what Wesker was about to do caused Chris to throw himself against the ropes binding him to the floor bolted chair once more. "God damn you, you bastard!"

"I've never had a more responsive lover." The man continued as he bent closer to lick and nibble along the curve of Leon's shoulder blade. Leon shivered and moaned involuntarily to his actions but didn't wake. And the further application of an apparently chemical infused cloth over his nose and mouth ensured he stayed unconscious.

"He really is much lovelier like this when there's no guilt or conscience to interfere with his responses." Wesker turned Leon's body back towards him slightly and raised his face so that he can kiss him.

It incensed Chris that Wesker would touch Leon gently and kiss him so sweetly in front of him. Not being able to witness this continued violation of his unconscious lover, Chris had turned away. But a pained whine escaping Leon's lips dragged his eyes back upon the scene.

"Watch us, Chris. If you look away, I will hurt him." Wesker warned him softly as he licked at the blood staining the vicious bite mark upon Leon's neck.

Chris gritted his teeth but he kept his eyes open and upon them. It was- it had about destroyed him to listen and watch as Wesker made Leon mewl and gasp with pleasure while he played his captive's limp body like a fine instrument.

At one point, Leon had awakened with his gasping orgasm. In that tiny instance, they had locked eyes and Chris thought he saw fear filled recognition in Leon's eyes. But Wesker quickly subdued him again with the chemical infused cloth over his nose and mouth. Chris sincerely hoped Leon didn't remember this incident... that his lover only thought it a nightmare of having Chris watch him being raped by Wesker.

It had to end eventually. Wesker practically basked in the afterglow of satisfying sex as he rested with Leon's legs intimately entwined with his and the smaller blond's head resting on his arm. "Beautiful. You do know how to pick them."

Chris didn't deign to respond to the statement of admiration. He was numbed now... completely drained of all his strength from having to first witness his new found love sequentially raped by a succession of Lickers, then having to watch his most hated enemy gently making love to the man's unconscious though still very responsive body.

Wesker sighed almost regretfully as he slid out from under Leon and gently laid his sweaty, passion and cum stained body back upon the gurney. He could not, however, resist stealing one last deep kiss from Leon's slack but kissed swollen lips.

"Beautiful..." He looked up at Chris through the glass. "I really am tempted to keep him."

It was Chris's opinion that the hate filled glare he directed at Wesker for that remark should have made him burst into flames. Wesker just smiled at him and stole one more chaste kiss from Leon before leaving him exposed and wantonly sprawled upon the gurney.

Wesker left them alone after that. Unfortunately, it wasn't the end of Leon's ordeal for it wasn't ten minutes later that a Licker came through the door Wesker had used to leave.

"No... Leon!" Chris called urgently, not knowing if Wesker had left on the two-way communication between the rooms- not knowing even if Wesker did that his cries of warning would reach Leon through his drugged slumber. "Leon! Wake up! Wake up! Please! Leon!"

It took the creature launching itself upon the gurney and almost landing half on Leon to stir him from his drugged sleep. His reaction though was instantaneous. Unfettered and unencumbered by chains or straps, Leon had fought back, but Chris knew the end to be a foregone conclusion.

With no weapons and with a body weakened by abuse and exhaustion, Leon had only succeeded in rocking back the determined Licker with his punches and kicks. In the next instance, the Licker had retaliated by swatting him off the gurney and both disappeared from Chris's sight.

It made Chris feel guilty to find relief in hearing Leon's scream and the pained sobbing that followed accompanied by the soft wet sucking sounds of rape; he was grateful that the noises weren't instead the familiar crunch of meat and bone, or the wet tearing of flesh he'd previously associated with encounters with Lickers. However, even the soft sobbing soon stopped, and all Chris could think was that Leon had succumbed to exhaustion and shock once more.

Fortunately, he didn't have to endure listening to Leon being raped for too very long. Leon's SS buddies and the BSAA finally arrived at the door to the lab. From their blood-splattered appearance, Chris guessed that they must have fought through a gauntlet of zombies and monsters Wesker had apparently freed and allowed to roam freely outside the lab.

The BSAA were momentarily shocked by the scene in the lab, but the SS men had immediately opened fire on the Licker, which by the sounds of it was too preoccupied to notice their arrival. Chris couldn't say that the SS men were unaffected as compared to the BSAA unit, their expressions were clearly murderous as they terminated the Licker with extreme prejudice. It made him wonder if any of these men had previously partnered or worked with Leon. They seemed a bit more emotionally affected than he'd ever seen of any government officer he'd ever come across.

The swarm of activity that followed was beyond Chris's ability to follow. He was aware that Jill had approached to cut him free and was talking to him though he couldn't recall her words There was a medic with a pen light shining it in his eyes and trying to get him to respond to them.

All his attention was on what little he could see happening in the lab. The SS men had carefully heaved the dead Licker to one side to free its victim from under it. He heard one of them yelling that Leon was still alive but cold with shock and blood loss and that his comrades needed to get the space blanket unpacked faster.

As soon as the last of the ropes holding him to the chair were cut, Chris was on his feet and rushing to the door between the observation room and the lab. But he was still too slow. The black vested SS men had already protectively wrapped Leon up in a space blanket and with the largest of them cradling Leon against his chest like a child, rushed out into the corridor.

Following them past scenes of carnage and the dead T-infected monsters, Chris only arrived at the helipad in time to watch the government men quickly load his lover into their chopper and take off. Chris couldn't help but think uncharitably that they'd only added insult to injury in not letting him be part of the party to take Leon off for medical treatment.

* * *

Storming into Benford's office immediately upon reaching DC only got Chris the man's promises that the government doctors were just ensuring Leon wasn't infected after his ordeal and that they'd keep him unconscious through the stressful rape kit evidence gathering and virus testing. It took another day of waiting before they'd finally let Chris into the high security ward.

When Chris looked upon Leon lying in his hospital bed, he couldn't help but think the man looked incredibly fragile and broken. The eyes which opened to meet his were shattered and dulled with drugs. The first thought that sprang to Chris's mind on seeing this was that this whole mess was his fault.

Whatever his reasons, Wesker was always obsessed with him. And it was very apparent to Chris now that Leon had suffered for it. Chris wondered then how long Wesker must have been watching and observing them. If he'd deliberately waited until they were comfortable and obviously committed before he acted.

"I'm sorry, Leon. It's my fault. This is all my fault. Wesker... he's always been obsessed with me and you- he hurt you because of me." Chris stroked his hand over Leon's hair. "I'm so sorry you got hurt."

"Chris..."

"I- you need-" It broke his heart, but Chris couldn't bear to expose Leon to anymore danger. "Leon, listen to me. You need to stay away from me. We can't have Wesker hurt you again because of me."

"Chris? What-?"

"I'm the problem here. As long as you're with me, his attention will be drawn to you and he'll hurt you to get to me." Chris told him softly without looking at him. He couldn't- he just couldn't look Leon in the eyes now that he'd come to this decision. "I can't bear it if you're hurt again because of me."

"Wait-Chris?"

"You'll see that it's for the best, Leon." Chris released his hand and stepped away from the bed. "I love you- but we can't be together."

"Chris-wait-"

It was the hardest thing he ever did, but Chris turned his back on Leon and left without a backward glance. From the corner of his eye, he saw Leon struggling to rise from the bed with a hand out stretched as if he was trying to reach out to him.

"Chris! Wait!"

He closed the door to the hospital room on the man screaming his name again. The fear and despair in Leon's voice almost made him falter, as did the stunned expression on the face of Adam Benford as the man stood frozen with shock in the corridor outside the room. But Chris determinedly brushed by him and walked away from the one he loved.

Adam didn't try to follow him. Instead Chris heard a door opening and slamming shut behind him, assuring him that Leon's father figure was with him. The corridor leading out of the high security ward felt cold and ominous, giving Chris a chill of finality; his confirmation that this was the end of what he once shared with Leon S. Kennedy.

**~TBC~**

* * *

Thanks for reading.

firewolf


	4. Chapter 4

DISCLAIMER: Resident Evil is owned by Capcom Co. Ltd. All these characters and materials are used without permission, and I'm not profiting from this piece of fan fiction.

* * *

**Love's Regrets**

Part 4  
By firewolf  
December 2012

Claire had screamed and yelled at him for walking out on Leon the way he did. However, there wasn't much she could do to pursue or try to change his mind when she was laid out herself with a broken leg. Chris had been adamant that he needed to keep his distance with Leon and even with her.

He had arranged for their valuables to be locked up and for workers to finish the repair of their home before Claire was discharged from the hospital. However, before another sun rose, Chris had arranged for a flight to Europe with plans to set up the European brunch of the BSAA. And he'd stayed on the move and alone over the next several years. Only linking up with various teams as the need arose or meeting up with Jill again whenever he got word about Wesker.

It took a long time before Claire would speak civilly with him again. However, it suited Chris's paranoia that Wesker wouldn't think them close any more and therefore ignore her. Fittingly, he supposed, she refused to tell him anything about Leon. Chris knew though, that Leon had opted to stay a government agent and refused the suggested secondment to the BSAA.

He hadn't been happy to hear that. Chris had felt that Leon would have been better off as part of the North American brunch of the BSAA; especially if he could depend on the likes of Barry Barton and Jill Valentine to keep an eye out for the younger man. Unfortunately, Chris couldn't count on any support from Leon's handler to try and convince the man otherwise after essentially abandoning him that fateful day. Adam Benford had in fact told Chris rather coldly that he had no right to any information or decision regarding the career of his agent and to bugger off. The man hung up on him and Chris got a run around which eventually led to dead lines the next time he pulled up the courage to try and speak to Leon's handler again.

As little as his sister would tell him about Leon though, Chris couldn't say he was entirely kept in the dark regarding the man's career and movements. As Leon was the US government's foremost bio hazards specialist, Chris would rather frequently come across reports by him which the US government were agreeable about sharing with the BSAA. The Kennedy report, especially, was one that Chris supported as required reading by recruits of the BSAA in all jurisdictions. Other than these fleeting glimpses of his former lover's career in the government though, Chris tried not to dwell too long on thoughts of Leon.

With the way the US government's federal agencies interacted with the BSAA about bio terrorism though, it was inevitable that Chris met Leon during the course of work, especially after the WilPharma fiasco which Leon and his sister had a hand in exposing. As practically infamous stalwarts in the global battle against bio terrorism, their respective agencies had watched their meeting with a reverence that made Chris feel like Rommel to Leon's Churchill; an analogy that seemed most apt especially since many of their mutual friends and acquaintances still held a slight grudge against Chris of behalf of the other man.

Leon, however, managed to keep the meeting casual and light between them. And Chris could only admire him for his professionalism. It was his belief that strangers unfamiliar with their history would have thought their meeting to be like old friends renewing an acquaintance.

After not having had any contact for nearly a decade, Chris had found it excruciatingly hard to keep to his conviction of maintaining distance between them. From the occasional tremble he'd detect in Leon's hands, Chris could tell that Leon apparently felt the same way.

During their casual exchange, Chris had to constantly concentrate on his words and on listening to Leon to give a proper response where he would have much preferred to just sit and drink in the sight of him. The man had matured well in looks and stature. Leon had been an exemplary agent when Chris knew him, but age and experience now gave him a commanding presence of confidence and power.

The man Leon was now, moved with an almost feline grace of hidden strength and danger. Chris had little doubt Leon richly deserved the respect and reputation that placed him as one of their country's top agents under direct orders from the president. Leon was the author of many reports (and probably many more, which existed but were considered too highly classified by the US government to be shared with a UN backed agency) which spoke of his number encounters and clashes with B.O.W.s.

Chris had changed over the years as well, having thrown himself into physical training and bulking out considerably; enough so a few friends had jokingly accused him of steroids abuse. He never touched that poison though. His muscles were from honest effort and hard work.

Looking at Leon then though, he knew the man could easily give him a good bout if they ever challenged each other in hand-to-hand combat. Chris knew he had the raw strength advantage, but Leon had built a solid reputation as a formidable survivalist who combined acrobatic moves with various forms of martial arts disciplines.

All too soon, for Chris's liking, they shook hands and parted without a word said of Wesker's still at large status. Chris was, in a way, glad that Leon was willing to let their former relationship slide without any words said of it. If Leon had chosen to confront him, Chris wasn't sure if he could have maintained the strength to keep the distance between them intact. He had missed the man and meeting him again like this had only torn the old wounds open and raw once more.

He wasn't to meet the man again until another eight years passed, during which time Chris had finally confronted Wesker twice more and decisively killed him during the second encounter. This encounter over the barrels of their guns in a lonely China warehouse had shocked Chris to note how much Leon had changed- how much he'd aged with experience and horror weighing upon his shoulders.

Chris hadn't expected Leon's firm challenge against his revenge seeking goal... And the recounting of numbers... 70,000 lives lost including the President- including Adam, Leon's boss and practically his father figure for far longer than Chris knew him. It shook him back to his senses.

He'd allowed his fear and revenge upon Wesker to make him hurt and abandon Leon over a decade earlier. Whatever he'd felt about Ada, he wasn't going to fight with Leon over her.

* * *

Even after the cajoling encouragement from Jill, Chris had procrastinated. After nearly ten years of avoidance, Chris didn't know how to begin making contact with Leon again and try to rekindle what they had between them so long ago. So he took the coward's way and did nothing.

Eventually though, nearly a year after the bio terrorist attack at Tall Oaks and in China, Jill was fed up enough with Chris's lackadaisical stalling and sent him home to Claire's for a furlough. The way Jill had put it, since Leon lived in DC and was still friends with his sister, that Claire could arrange for them to meet again and finally clear the air between them.

It couldn't have been easier. Claire had been happy to finally welcome him back and she showed it as much when she picked him up from the airport.

"Just like that?" Chris looked at her after their fierce hug.

Claire rolled her eyes at him. "I still think you were an idiot. But you're also my brother. Besides, Leon forgave you years ago and as the hurt party, his opinion counts way more than anyone else's."

"Thanks, sis."

"Come on, let's go home."

* * *

The living room understandably held furniture he wasn't familiar with since Claire had to buy a new set after Wesker practically destroyed the last, but his room looked exactly like how he'd left it over a decade ago. Claire obviously came in to dust, but otherwise didn't move or shift any of his things. Even the clothes he'd left hanging in the cupboards and neatly folded in the drawers were just as he'd left them. The one noticeable difference was the lack of evidence that he'd ever shared the room with Leon.

When he'd left, Leon was still being held in his high security ward. At that time, the meagre belongings he'd brought with him to stay as their house guest were quite liberally mixed with Chris's stuff. They were all gone now, carefully excised from his room as if he'd never lived there for those blissful three weeks.

"Hey, Chris! Do you remember Sherry?" Claire called from downstairs while he was humorously contemplating the shirts and pants he used to wear and how they'd never be able to fit his now bigger, more muscular frame.

"Birkin?" Chris recalled the young agent he'd met in the company of Wesker's son, first in Edonia and again six months later in China. She hadn't recognised him when they met in Eastern Europe, but then he had changed quite a bit since he'd met her.

Their encounters had been very brief and Chris had sensed nothing else from her apart from curiosity, so it was his thought that Claire and Leon hadn't revealed to her the full story behind their breakup. Considering her age at that time and her already infrequent contact with Leon, Chris doubted they'd ever let her learn about Leon's ordeal in Wesker's hands.

"Yeah, that was her calling to tell me Leon's back in town and ready to celebrate. He just came back from a fruitful mission with a partner they've figured out he could work with, and felt comfortable enough to take on in a permanent partnership. His bosses are confirming the appointment as we speak.

"We're thinking of getting together this weekend for a picnic at the park to commemorate the occasion."

Chris was glad to hear about Leon's news actually. He'd always hated the idea of Leon working solo without any backup. Now, by the looks of it, he'd never have to work alone again.

"Sounds great. It'll be good to catch up with Leon and Sherry again. I haven't seen them since that outbreak in China."

"Great! I'll arrange it with Sherry and Leon."

That had been easier than he expected. Chris wondered now why he'd thought the trip would be worthless and unfruitful. With this picnic, he'd be reunited with Leon in just three days' time. He felt almost sick with anticipation.

* * *

Waiting for the weekend to arrive was almost akin to waiting for Christmas morning. Now that it was in the plans, Chris was almost giddy with the anticipation of meeting Leon again; this time in a purely social setting outside of work.

He did his best to hide it from Claire though. In addition, to be fair he didn't want to suddenly overwhelm Leon with any demands or pressure at all about rekindling their relationship at this first meeting.

They had been separated for over ten years; it would be the height of arrogance for him to think that he could waltz back into Leon's life again so easily and quickly. He also had a lot to make up for with the man. Chris didn't even know if Leon's feelings for him had changed.

When they met to talk eight years earlier, it had been under the watchful eye of their respective agencies. They hadn't really interacted socially then. From the slight tremble in Leon's grip when they shook hands, Chris could tell that the younger man did still have some feelings for him then, but his words, expression and eyes- even his eyes did not give anything away.

His easy smile never reached his eyes though. It wasn't openly obvious, but Leon had been guarded the entire time. This, Chris knew, was probably stuff Leon picked up during training with the secret service and perfected over years of experience; a 'game face' when on duty. He hoped Leon wouldn't put this 'game face' on again when he saw him.

At the least, Claire claimed that Leon didn't try to make an excuse to avoid the get together when she told him Chris would be coming too. Claire did warn Chris though that they would have other off duty friends there as well. He'd heard enough hints through the week that Jake Muller would be there, and Chris assured Claire that he was truly over the fact that Albert Wesker was the man's father.

Besides, it was Claire and Sherry's 'party' after all. Chris didn't care who they invited as long as Leon was there.

* * *

The day dawned brightly enough with the promise of cool winds and a clear sky. Chris was sure he hid his eagerness very well as he accompanied Claire from the car carrying the heavily loaded picnic basket.

He steadfastly repeated a mantra to keep calm and collected the whole way. He swore to himself that he would not be presumptuous and inadvertently force himself *unwelcomed* upon Leon. Chris knew that there was a lot which he needed to make up for with the man first before he could hope to regain his trust and his heart.

"Claire! Chris!" Sherry's call carried over the park, drawing their attention to a pair of waving women.

Chris looked up, pleased to recognise Helena Harper standing beside Sherry. He had been half-afraid he'd discover that Leon's new partner would be a complete stranger. While he didn't know Helena well, she was still a relatively familiar face and someone he knew had been a good backup for Leon during their adventures in Tall Oaks and China.

"Good to see you're looking well too, Sherry." Claire returned the younger woman's hug, before Chris too received as warm a hug from the bubbly blonde-haired woman.

"You're in a very good mood." Claire gave Sherry a teasing smile as she took Helena's hands in hers in greeting.

"Hunnigan's letting us try out a partnership too since it worked so well for Leon." Sherry almost squealed in her excitement. "I'm sure it'll go as well as his."

Helena gave Chris a sidelong look while he blinked quite dumbfounded at her behaviour. "She's kind of over the moon right now."

"You're the Sherry-expert. I wouldn't know." Claire deadpanned as she looked around casually. "Where're the men of the hour?"

"Where would you think?" Sherry rolled her eyes as she jerked a thumb towards the shadiest tree near them. "They need to get a room."

Time had turned to molasses for Chris as the meaning of what both Claire and Sherry said sank in while he turned in the direction indicated. True enough, almost hidden by the shadows of an old oak, Leon was relaxed, leaning back against its trunk as Jake Muller towered over him with arms bracketing the smaller man, and their lips firmly locked.

The following few minutes were a complete blank to Chris. The next time he was aware of his surroundings again was when his fist impacted Muller's face; this was unsurprisingly swiftly followed by the man socking Chris equally hard across the jaw; and the all-out fist fight was on.

They were quite well matched. Chris had the strength and experience advantage, Jake had the height, reach and speed. Their battle might well have taken a long time to uncover a clear winner, but Leon had never been known for his patience when dealing with idiots.

So focused were they on each other, the two men were taken completely by surprise by an attack from a second front. Jake caught Leon's boot to the chest, which propelled him into Sherry and Helena's arms. Chris got his fist in the solar plexus, which dropped him to his knees with the sudden loss of breath.

"Jake! Chris! What the hell?!" Leon announced between them as he held his arms out stretched in a hold gesture to each of them. Claire additionally had her hands on Chris's shoulders, holding him down even as Sherry and Helena hung on to Jake's arms.

"Damn if I know." Jake stopped struggling against his captors and instead just jerked a chin at Chris. "We were totally engaged when that bull over there tore me off you and hit me in the eye."

"Chris?" Leon lowered his hands and turned to face him.

He couldn't respond right away. Leon had caught him just right with his punch and Chris was still trying to recover his breath.

**~TBC~**

* * *

Thanks for reading.

firewolf


	5. Chapter 5

DISCLAIMER: Resident Evil is owned by Capcom Co. Ltd. All these characters and materials are used without permission, and I'm not profiting from this piece of fan fiction.

* * *

**Love's Regrets**

Part 5  
By firewolf  
December 2012

Feeling a bit like a child who'd been sent to his room for misbehaving, Chris sat at a park bench while the others were a short distance away setting up the picnic blankets and food in the shade of the tree Leon and Jake had been caught under. He owed Leon his patience to get Jake settled and willing to give them some privacy to talk.

Claire sighed woefully as she flopped into the seat beside him. "We were- sort of nervous about you meeting Jake again and finding out that he would be Leon's new partner, but that- was still a bit unexpected."

Chris gave her a sidelong look. "Mind telling me when..."

Claire shrugged eloquently. "About- ten months ago, Jake contacted Sherry asking after Leon. We talked about it and since as far as we knew he was unattached, we gave Jake Leon's number. He turned up in DC a couple of weeks later.

"It wasn't like Leon made it easy for him either with his having to disappear on missions every now and then. Jake just bunked in with Sherry during the early days." Claire told him honestly. "And when he realised Jake was being persistent, Leon let him take his spare room.

"Then when Leon got himself injured, Jake confronted Hunnigan to be allowed to be his nurse to take care of him at his own apartment."

Chris's head shot up to stare at her. Before he could say anything though, Claire continued her story. "Oh, don't get us wrong. We were all plenty worried about letting Jake take care of Leon when he was at his most vulnerable. But Sherry trusted him and he really was a perfect gentleman the whole time.

"Jake also reminded us that the idea of seducing a partner who was drugged or in pain was a major turn off... That he used to care for his mother before she died. *And* we never once caught him stealing a cuddle with Leon while he was drugged out of his skull on meds, no matter how randomly Doc Harvey dropped in to visit them." She gave Chris a pointed look, making him blush at that particular reminder of the unplanned cuddle.

"Jake gained Doc Harvey's trust quite quickly in showing him he could take care of Leon like a pretty competent nurse too. He did a good job of it and gained all our respect.

"Don't think for a moment that it wasn't difficult for Jake, but Sherry told me that he had his heart set on wooing Leon, so he never let Leon's problems with intimacy put him off. And eventually his persistence and patience paid off 'cause Leon started to trust him and fall in love too.

"They really only got tight about three months back..."

"And this mission which they just came back from..." Chris added quietly. "They also figured out they could work well together on the field as well..."

"Yeah..."

Chris recalled then that Claire told him days earlier about the government confirming it as an official partnership too. He didn't know what to say about this revelation. He didn't- he just didn't know what to think now.

"Chris?"

Chris looked up to see Leon take the seat across the table to him. Claire apparently moved away during his moment of inattention. Behind Leon, Jake Muller looked quite obviously unhappy, but he turned away anyway to try to give them some privacy.

Leon took in a huge breath and let it out again slowly, drawing Chris's attention back to him. "So what's the story? I thought- I thought this- thing between us was long dead and- forgotten."

Chris looked down at his clenched fists upon the table before him. "I guess- I carried out the ruse too well; convinced Wesker as well as everyone else..."

He caught sight of Leon going suddenly rigid from his peripheral vision. "Leon-?"

"That- was-" Leon's voice had gone very soft. "You mean- to tell me- your feelings *never* changed all this time?"

"We couldn't let Wesker know-"

"Cut the crap, Redfield! Wesker is *dead* and he's been dead and buried in a volcano for the last *five*- nearly *six* years. *You* filed that report yourself." Leon growled at him. "Granted the first report proved premature, but the second... You had a direct hand in terminating him.

"But you still kept your distance and- never contacted me again..."

Chris didn't know what to say to these words. They also made him remember Jill's words of shock that he never tried to reach out to Leon during the years she had been missing and Wesker suspected dead. She had been angry that Chris hadn't accepted her sacrifice to pursue his happiness with Leon.

"Adam and Hunnigan kept me too busy to realise... By the time I got the news- found out... I thought- I thought your feelings changed..."

Apparently, so did Jill, Chris realised, especially since he displayed nothing but awkwardness and reluctance to any mention of Leon. Until the encounter in China told her a different story, making her get on his case once more.

"I moved on, Chris." Leon met his eyes firmly. "I'm not going to say it was easy... but I moved on."

"With *Wesker's* son?"

"Funny how that turned out, isn't it?" Leon's eyes were firm and unforgiving as he locked them with Chris's. "We got word of his existence some three years back and kept a distant eye on him. All we discovered was a boy who was devoted to his mom and became a mercenary to earn money for her medicine. A boy made a man too early and lost her anyway because it was too little too late. Small wonder he settled in as a mercenary caring only about money.

"And when Sherry made contact to get his blood for the C vaccine? He asked for millions, but he only accepted $50.

"Jake's nothing like his father."

"Just-like that?"

"No, you want to know the truth? " Leon snarled at him. "It was hard, damn hard! I *never* forgot or fully got over Wesker's near week long rape party, Chris.

"It took months and years of therapy and assurances from my boss and handlers that- that I wasn't- I wasn't tainted and that that was what *drove* you away.

"Adam even brandished tons of medical reports at me to remind me that I had immunity from the T-virus after the Starlight cruise mission. And that later 'contact' *hadn't* evidenced any further biological changes or inhuman taint."

"Leon... I- I *never* thought you were tainted. Never at all..." Chris stared at him, horrified at the damage his immediate absence had wrought upon the man. It was even more starkly apparent to him now how asinine a decision it was for him to break up with Leon so suddenly... how others quite justifiably thought he had callously abandoned Leon after his ordeal with Wesker.

"I only- I only wanted to *protect* you. Wesker-"

"You never let *me* have *any* say in this mode of protection." Leon interrupted him angrily. "You just *unilaterally* made the decision for us and *left* me.

"I'm a highly trained government agent, Redfield. Maybe I was caught out that time, but I've *never* needed *your* protection then, nor on any of the missions I've ever been sent to handle by the government of the United States.

"That wasn't even the last time I clashed with Albert Wesker. And how ever many times he'd tried to 'renew' our acquaintance whenever we met, I've always held up well enough on my own *without* getting captured *or* raped again."

Chris winced at that declaration, realising now how misguided and- arrogant his ideas had been. Especially concerning Leon and the types of missions he'd regularly be deployed to take on solo.

"I eventually got it- worked it out that you'd always been obsessed and irrational about Albert Wesker... That Wesker was just as obsessed with you. And l realised too that sex with me had only counted to him as a triumph over you. That the rape wasn't personal between him and me.

"And l could- begin to- to forgive you for that decision you made for us though l didn't support it." Leon sucked in a deep breath and let it out again slowly. "So I waited.

"Adam thought I was an idiot, but I let myself hope. Only- you never came back even after Wesker's death...

"Like- like I said, Adam had Hunnigan keep me busy, so the news was cushioned when I finally got word of Wesker's confirmed death. But- it wasn't as hard as I once thought it would be to let you go, because-

"I suppose- I thought it was just that feelings changed over time, especially when we don't nurture it." Leon met his eyes again. "I guess- even if you *had* tried, I don't think I could have trusted you to let you back in without a shit ton of effort from you."

"And- someone new-?"

Leon shook his head. "It was- too hard. I hadn't actually- addressed my intimacy issues properly...

"Was- funny enough that *Ada* was actually the best able to get me used to casual contact again, because- we teased each other constantly- let the innuendo run hot and thick between us. We even carried through to have pretty fantastic sex a few times.

"She may have been a mercenary who was often at odds with my mission, but she still made me feel safe. She'd save my life, I'd save hers... You could call us one hell of a fucked up BFF with benefits, but we always knew where we stood with each other.

"That's one of the reasons why I protected who I thought was her from you... why I didn't believe Ada's involvement in Neo Umbrella despite your assertion. I'll admit I *was* upset with her until we found the evidence about Carla Radames which explained 'most everything."

"And- Jake?"

"I couldn't do casual with another man..." Leon shook his head lightly allowing him to hide behind his fringe again. "But Jake wasn't looking for casual.

"You'll have to ask him why he thought I was worth the trouble before he even got to know me well. 'cause there was a lot of- baggage to deal with.

"Jake- Jake had to battle my memories of his father..." Leon looked towards the man who was currently horsing around with Sherry but obviously trying hard to give Leon his privacy.

"From time to time, I'd still get- flashes of memories of- not just of the monsters he used, but also of Wesker raping me in front of you. I know that was real. That wasn't- I don't know if you're aware that- Wesker raped me several times while I was his prisoner."

Chris shook his head in numbed guilt for not knowing. He'd run out on Leon so quickly, he hadn't even asked to know the full extent of his injuries. It rather belatedly occurred to Chris then that he remembered Leon struggling to get up from the bed but he hadn't followed after him when he'd left the hospital room. That could have been because Leon was too badly injured to go after him and not just because Adam Benford had stopped him.

"Well- now you know. Wesker had me quite regularly over those six days. Every position he tied me down for a monster he'd prepare me before hand by fucking me first to get me stretched and well lubricated since they'd not bother.

"When he was done sending them in he'd clean me up before returning me to my cell where he'd fuck me again before leaving me alone. He told me it was just his 'control' to compare it with how the T-infected monsters fucked me. I never bought that. I could tell he got off watching me struggling under the monsters. Some days he even had me more times than the monsters.

"Whatever his reasons for having sex with me so often, he- he didn't take me brutally." Leon told him quietly. "He probably knew it messed me up worse because I wished he'd hurt me. Even when I'd struggle and bite he'd- be gentle and always made me come first.

"Jake- has a similar build to his father..." Leon admitted softly. "But that's the only similarity they share. In personality and morals, he's nothing like his father.

"Still, it took me quite a while to differentiate Jake being gentle and considerate with me from Wesker's- actions. But I did come to recognise the differences, especially with how they kissed.

"They kiss nothing alike... When Wesker kissed me it was to violate and- possess- it often felt like being devoured. He- I *knew* Wesker wanted to hurt me and possess me like an object.

"Jake... I can feel his wonder and... love. He can be possessive, but I can tell the difference of the intent behind his possessiveness. I can feel his want to protect me. Jake makes me feel precious and cherished. I- *know* Jake would never think of hurting me.

"And he's been patient. If you knew him, you'd know patience isn't his strong suit. But Jake was patient with me... He was supportive- caring and- and over the months he spent pursuing me, I fell in love with him, Chris.

"Maybe- maybe I did love you just as much once-" Leon met his eyes, his expression sad and tired. "But that was a decade ago, Chris..."

Chris's hands stayed tightly fisted before him as he listened to Leon's admission. "I-I'm sorry..."

"I'm sorry too, Chris." Leon rose to his feet to step away and return to their friends.

"Leon..."

The blond didn't turn around. "Our time has passed, Chris... And I'm- I'm unwilling to give up what I have now to- to give you a chance to make up for what you did to me ten years ago.

"And I can't feel sorry for that."

Chris sucked in a sudden breath of guilt at his words. "I have no right to demand such a thing, Leon. I'm the one at fault here. I- I'm sorry."

"Thank you..."

Chris stayed seated at the park bench staring at his hands where they still stayed clenched on the wooden table. He wasn't left alone for very long though.

* * *

"Hey?"

"Hey." Chris gave his sister a half-hearted smile.

"Will you be all right?" Claire inclined her head towards where Jake had an arm possessively slung around Leon's waist.

"I've been an idiot and he's made his choice. I need to respect that."

"Really, big bro. You kept your feelings too close to the chest. I didn't know you still had any feelings for Leon." Claire sighed at him. "We all heard about Wesker, you know? And..."

"Jill was probably the only one who knew... I never called him. I should have, but I didn't."

"But why, Chris? You still love him. That's obvious to all of us." Claire asked him carefully. "He forgave you and *waited* for you. But when you didn't come back when we all expected you to, we all thought..."

Claire sat beside him and placed an arm around her brother's waist. "You never spoke at all to anyone about what Wesker did to Leon... About what that did to *you*."

"What? Wesker didn't touch me. He-"

"Bull shit! He *used* Leon to get to you. It was much worse than if he'd hurt you directly." Claire told him steadily. "If you hadn't fallen in love with Leon, I have little doubt he would have used me to mess with your mind.

"But after what happened to Leon, you distanced yourself from *both* Leon *and* me. And who did he go after next but Jill." Claire bent forward so that she could look at Chris's face. "I think you can tell me the *real* reason why you stayed away from Leon even after you killed Wesker."

Chris took a deep breath as he closed his eyes to think of why he said nothing. *Why* he had avoided and distanced himself from Leon all those years.

"I-I was afraid..." Speaking the words made it like a revelation. "But- it wasn't of- Leon's rejection..."

"Wesker held you a prisoner in Antarctica... Leon- he raped and used his monsters to rape... Jill, he brainwashed and turned against me...

"Loving you, loving Leon... loving Jill- made me vulnerable. And I hated that.

"Then in the BSAA, I had a SIC Piers, Piers Nivans. He was the one who eventually found me after my six-month bout with traumatic amnesia. We were getting close near the end of our confrontation with Neo Umbrella in China. I was planning to leave the BSAA, and nominate him as the new Captain of Alpha team. I- I thought I'd look up Leon then.

"After all, It was that meeting with Leon which shook me back to my senses. I remembered I loved him..."

"So why didn't you come looking for Leon?" Claire asked him quietly. "He was still unattached after China. Not saying he'd have accepted or trusted you right off, but if you gravelled long enough you might have won him over to give you a chance to make it up to him."

"Piers took the C-virus to mutate himself and save me... I tried to take him with me in an escape capsule, but he sealed it after me and stayed to die because he didn't want to live like a monster."

Claire stayed silent letting Chris gather his thoughts to speak. "You're my sister, nothing could change that. I work with Jill. Short of one of us resigning, we're stuck with each other... Piers- I let him get close and I lost him. And that hurt so bad, when I thought of Leon- I was afraid again. So I avoided him..."

"Idiot."

"No arguments there." Chris sighed dejectedly.

"Love may create vulnerabilities, but you know it can also make you stronger." Claire turned her brother's head so that he'd face her. "Give it a chance and stop running, big bro. Or you'll keep hurting the Leons who'll appear and drift away in your life because you push them away. "

"Yeah... I hear you."

The sound of a clearing throat brought their attention to an approaching intruder. Jake Muller stopped a few yards away and shifted his weight from one foot to the other awkwardly. "So... could we talk?"

The Redfields looked from Jake to where Leon was talking to Helena and Sherry and showing them something on his PDA. It was rather obvious from Sherry's surreptitious but pointed look who had sent him over.

Claire smiled as she got up to wave Jake forward. "Don't make us have to send Leon in to pull you apart again, you hear me?"

"Yes, mother." The two men replied in unison, looked at each other in amused shock then turned to grin at her.

Claire threw her hands up in exasperation at their antics and flounced off with a snort of, "men!" Leaving Chris alone to speak with Jake Muller, Leon's new love, and a man he only knew of as Albert Wesker's son.

**~TBC~**

* * *

Thanks for reading.

firewolf


	6. Chapter 6

DISCLAIMER: Resident Evil is owned by Capcom Co. Ltd. All these characters and materials are used without permission, and I'm not profiting from this piece of fan fiction.

* * *

**Love's Regrets**

Part 6  
By firewolf  
December 2012

Jake took a seat when invited to and the two men sat awkwardly for a long moment looking every which way but at each other. Jake was the one to finally break the silence.

"So... are we- cool?"

Chris looked up at the younger man, seeing in a glance all the ways he reminded him of Wesker, but also all the ways he looked nothing like his father. "Yeah... I- sorry about-"

Jake waved him off. "Nothing broken."

"You have a great left hook." Chris felt his jaw with a slight wince.

"This'll probably blacken quite nicely by tomorrow. " Jake fingered the area around his eye. "Seems to be just my luck, you know? Leon and me? We came away from a week long mission without a scratch, and I pick up a black eye at a social outing."

"Yeah, well... Claire told me you were only just confirmed as a permanent team, so congratulations. I always thought Leon needed backup for those times he'd get chased around by a couple of B.O.W.s."

Jake's attention snapped over to him. "You mean when he told me 'you'll get used to it' he really meant it?!"

Chris raised an eyebrow at him with a grin on his face. "You mean you didn't realise he was serious?

"Oh, man- Check with your handler. As Leon's partner, you'll probably have the security clearance to look up *all* his past missions. We at the BSAA get only the titbits when they deign to share anything with us, still most of us have watched satellite footage of his clashes with B.O.W.s." Chris mock shuddered. "With the number of times he's taken a direct hit, we sometimes wonder how he's managed to stay alive this long."

"l was warned and l did see some crazy ass stunts on the mission. Just didn't occur to me that that was a regular staple of his type of missions..." Jake shook his head and cursed under his breath about being too young to lose his hair from stress.

"Can- I ask why?" His question was almost shy, but Jake understood the direction.

"Met him only once during that outbreak. Knew Supergirl practically hero-worshipped him, and when we fought side by side I could understand why. I never met anyone as resourceful or inventive as him.

"He knew who I- who my father was... but it didn't seem to have bothered him. He just accepted me at face value. Found I couldn't stop thinking about him- so I messaged Sherry; figured she'd know if I had a chance or if he was already attached."

Chris closed his eyes as he remembered the many times Jill got on his case about reconnecting with Leon again- remembered keeping his silence with Claire and begging Jill not to try and help them reconcile...

"Look..." Jake interrupted Chris's thoughts to face him directly. "I don't care what expectations you had coming here, but I am here to *stay*." He told Chris firmly. "So if you're thinking of hanging around and expecting me to get bored and move on- that ain't happening."

Jake paused and stared Chris dead in the eye. "I took the chip for him. And I didn't tell him about it until after we completed the mission together and figured out we worked well as partners."

Chris's eyes went wide at this revelation. He remembered Leon telling him about being micro chipped so that the government could track him at all times. Leon was more or less forced to accept it. However, to hear that Jake had voluntarily accepted it as well when he didn't have to...

Jake smirked at his astonishment. "Yeah, taking it up also helped Hunnigan arrange to push through my claim to US citizenship through my father; had to have something positive come out of being the man's bastard. I committed myself to serving the US government *just* to be with Leon.

"It wouldn't really have mattered to me if we didn't work out together on the field. Signing on with the US government would have let me legitimately stay on US soil to be near him anyway. But we did work out together, so I'm the real deal here; his *permanent* partner, Redfield."

Chris took in a deep breath with that statement and let out again slowly to give himself time to think about how he wanted to respond. Jake- the man had committed everything he had to their government to be with Leon. Chris had to admire his conviction.

"That's- I'm glad to hear that, actually. But if you-"

"Wait, wait, wait-" Jake interrupted him with a sharply waving hand. "If this is one of those 'if you hurt him' speeches, you need to stand in line."

Jake raised a finger at him as be began counting off the threats he'd apparently received. "Supergirl back there gave me my first one before I got to meet him again." He jerk a thumb at Sherry. "Your sis laid into me before I could even get my first kiss. Helena threw in her two bits when she realised I intended to hang around permanently. Doc Harvey subjected me to a 'what are your intentions' interrogation on *top* of his unsubtle threats of easy to arrange medical 'misadventures.'

"The ex-first lady, Mrs Benford, called me in for tea with former President Graham and his daughter about two months back. Hunnigan's been making veiled promises. And that Asian chick who wears red and likes messing around with Leon even pulled me aside in the middle of our mission.

"Get a number. I get it. Sheesh, who was the last dick head who broke his heart. I *don't* intend to make that mistake."

Chris barely stopped himself from wincing in guilt. "Yeah, yeah, just add my name to the list. We're all- just a bit sensitive about him after- you know..."

"Yeah, we're still working on it..." Jake looked up at the clouds. "I know- what my father did to him, Redfield... Leon- he unsealed the files for me and let me read the reports and see the videos they took from the lab. Yet he didn't care that that- monster who caused all that terror and pain to him was my father- maybe only in DNA, but it didn't matter to him cause he recognised me as my own man.

"But what was done to him still mattered to me 'cause it made me even more determined and responsible to ensure I make it up to him for what he suffered because of my father's cruelty."

Chris looked away with shame. Hearing his declaration, Chris could recognise that Jake's response was far better than his. He had acknowledged his role in Leon's abuse under Wesker's hands. However, instead of embracing his responsibility and trying to make it up to Leon, he'd fled thinking to take Wesker's attention away from his love; and in doing so abandoned Leon to handle his trauma alone.

"It- couldn't be helped that I'd remind him of my father sometimes, you know? He was- it was really bad some days, but now he lets me hold him at night. He's stopped flinching when I reach for him. And working together on that mission?"

Chris studied the look of bright wonder on Jake's face. "We gelled and move in partnership smooth as silk, and the snark fest we had!" He held up two fingers in a pinching position. "I swear, there were times we were probably this close to breaking into giggling laughter like a pair of school girls."

Jake looked over to where Leon was sitting with the girls. "I was warned about the difficulty in getting close to him. But it's so worth it... I'm- thankful he was willing to try with me... To give 'us' a chance..."

"Don't ever forget how- lucky you are for this chance in a lifetime." Chris told him solemnly. "I made the mistake of not cherishing that relationship ten years ago..."

"I *won't* make that mistake." Jake faced him as he spoke of his conviction firmly. "Not in my lifetime."

"That's- I'll hold you to your word." Chris locked eyes with him. And because he couldn't help himself, he continued, "'cause if you hurt him..."

"Oh, jeeze! I *already* added you to the list of protectors who'll have my spleen, man!" Jake slapped his head in exasperation. "Gimme a break!"

Chris laughed. He needed to, even as he felt his heart bleed for what he knew he had to accept.

"So? Are you guys ready to join us?" Leon called to them a little apprehensively as he approached. "Grubs up."

"Yeah..." Jake rose smoothly to his feet and offered Chris a hand up which he accepted. "It's all cool, Love."

"Then come on." Leon gave them a warm smile as he turned away to walk back to where the ladies were seated. "The food's laid out and we're all hungry."

Jake gave Chris a companionable slap on a shoulder then jogged ahead so that he could slip an arm around Leon's waist. Chris sighed to himself while he stuffed his hands into his pockets as he followed them. It didn't surprise him to see Jake pulling Leon into his lap when they reached the ladies.

"Hey, you two better behave." Claire called to them fondly as she reached a hand up towards Chris to pull him down to sit beside her. "We don't want to get arrested for public indecency."

"Yes, mother." Leon and Jake chorused without looking at her.

Claire gave them a look of mock annoyance as Chris, Sherry and Helena broke into laughter. "Men!"

* * *

The rest of the afternoon passed without incident as they enjoyed a peaceful time, sharing food, drink and stories about past missions and other matters. Evening had come too soon for Chris tastes. However, maybe he felt it also hadn't come fast enough when he'd had to endure watching Leon be comfortable in another man's arms. And Chris could see how truly in love Leon and Jake were and how especially protective Jake was with the smaller man.

While they'd had their talk and it was clear who Leon was with though, Chris could observe that Jake was still a touch defensive with him and thus also unconsciously extra possessive with Leon. Chris didn't take offence. It had been how he had also acted with Leon around other attractive men over a decade ago.

"You'll be all right, Chris?" Leon looked over at him as they prepared to disperse in the darkening car park.

"Yeah, I will be." After all the anguish and heartache he had caused Leon, Chris had to be grateful that the man was still willing to talk to him and be his friend.

"I'm glad you are too." Chris nodded towards Jake who had one possessive hand on Leon's shoulder.

"He gets hurt over my dead body."

Leon lightly elbowed him in the gut. "Just no reckless behaviour, kid. You'll hurt me too by getting injured on my behalf."

Jake jerked him into his arms so that they were face to face. "Awwww, you won't be by my side nursing me back to health?"

"Oh, I'll nurse you back to health, so that I can kill you myself if you're an idiot."

"Deal, if you promise not to have to be a hero all the time too." Jake murmured against his lips.

"Get a room!" Helena, Sherry and Claire called together though not before their phones were out and snapping numerous pictures of the couple on the cusp of a lip lock.

Chris shook his head and laughed as Jake broke the moment to sneer at them before swooping in to kiss a blushing Leon. As amusing as it was though, he couldn't deny that it hurt to see this.

Watching Jake and Leon together when a part of him still cried that it should have been him and Leon, just drummed home the point to Chris that he had really fucked it up; and that he truly had no one else to blame but himself.

* * *

Jill knew he'd failed in the 'mission' she'd set him on the moment she saw him. She could also guess right away why he'd lost Leon. She didn't voice it though.

He saved her the trouble. "You were right, I shouldn't have waited so long. He'd already moved on."

"Then let him go and move on yourself, Chris." She told him gently. "Wesker's already poisoned enough of your life. Let *both* Wesker *and* Leon go."

Chris took in a deep breath and let it out slowly again as he thought about the last decade. He and Leon had only just got together before Wesker tore them apart. But... Leon was Jake's to love and cherish now.

Jill was right, he had let Wesker control his life for far too long even after his death. However, Wesker's actions were just the catalyst; it was his own fault for leaving Leon and for not trying to get back with him sooner... for letting Wesker drive him away from the one he loved. Though ironically, Chris could pin the blame on Wesker for creating a son who ensured Leon was forever out of his reach.

There was no denying that he would miss Leon, but he had to let him go; just as Leon had let him go and eventually embraced life with Jake.

And in thinking of the future... Chris realised too that he truly had everything he needed for a fresh start. Wesker was dead. Fresh on the dating market once more, it would be interesting to see what was 'out there,' now that there wasn't anything to hold himself back from looking.

Just- a decade old memory of a brief- affair, and the fading image of a smile that had once been much warmer and inviting when it was directed at him, but now- belonged to another man.

**~End~**

* * *

Raising a cup to a fresh start and new beginnings.

Happy New Year!

Thanks for reading.

firewolf


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